Unlock the Secrets of the Ridiculous: Book Your Outrageous Reading Today!
Step into the whimsical world of Sapphire Divines, where the absurd meets the mystical. Dare to ask the unaskable and receive an email reading that defies logic and embraces chaos.
Submit Your Wildest Questions!
Have a question that’s too outrageous for the ordinary? Perfect! Submit it now and let Sapphire and Raphael unravel the hilarity of the universe just for you.
Experience the Unhinged Magic of Sapphire Divines
Prepare yourself for an email reading like no other. Our readings are a chaotic blend of humor and mysticism, delivered with the finesse of a psychic goat. Expect the unexpected as we dive into the depths of your most ludicrous inquiries, offering insights that are as enlightening as they are entertaining. Join us in this unorthodox journey and embrace the delightful madness that is Sapphire Divines.
Schedule Your Ridiculous Reading
Ready to dive into the absurd? Book your email reading today and unleash the chaos! Whether you’re pondering the mysteries of your cat’s secret life or seeking guidance on your next ill-advised adventure, our form is your gateway to the hilariously unknown. Submit your most outrageous questions and let the cosmic comedy begin!
What Our Clients Are Saying
Insights from Raphael the Psychic Goat
🔮 The Etsy Curse: When Your Custom Spell Jars Get Flagged for “Suspicious Packaging”
USPS doesn’t “appreciate” glitter, wine corks, and mysterious herbs rattling in a mason jar. Neither did Janet from customer service, who now thinks she’s cursed.
💌 Confession #17: Midnight, Margaritas, and the Death of an Heirloom Rug
It started with salt around the doorway and ended with me in a silk robe, holding a garden hose inside the living room. Somewhere in between, I may have offered psychic readings to the fire department.
🐐 Raphael’s Diary: The Great Curtain Fire of ’22
She said it was a “prosperity ritual.” I said it was a fire hazard. Ten minutes later, my tail was singed, the Persian rug was smoking, and Sapphire blamed “ancestral trauma.”